Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He better not be in your backpack
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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