I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
