Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
FUCK WHALES
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