don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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