Porn is love you can see.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
