In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
