he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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