are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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