After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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