went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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