so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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