Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
