Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
