Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
