Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
