You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
