This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
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