Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
