So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
