before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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