True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
