God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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