she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm just crazy horny about you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
