We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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