Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
