seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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