He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
