just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Shame - the story of my life.
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