I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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