ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
