i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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