You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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