The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
