Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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