I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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