she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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