wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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