i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
