Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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