Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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