He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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