Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
