Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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