I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Even my vagina gasped.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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