Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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