he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sext me about skeletons
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
