Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ugly people sure do ruin things
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
