dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
