I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
