I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
