No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
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two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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