I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
