how do flat chested girls get laid?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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