Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
