It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
