i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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