how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
