this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
