So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
