How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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