have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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