Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
