He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
