all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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