did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
