8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
