Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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