My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
