Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
