im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
