Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
