I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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