It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just googled if crying burns calories
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
