Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
