mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
