This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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