She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
