She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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