So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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