Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
