omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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