I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
