So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
