he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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