Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
